Non-Porn Ate My Soul

Well, I've been trying to keep myself busy so I don't begin to dwell on my impending airplane trip, so I've been playing some fun web games. These two are the best.

It Really Isn't Porn. Honest:
When I first discovered ThisIsNotPorn.com many moons ago, I ended up playing it for almost 9 hours straight. I gave myself a headache. Luckily, I remembered to write down the answers to each subsequent puzzle, and how I figured it out. Unfortunately, that cheat sheet is in my closet back in my apartment, so I've been muddling through again as best I can.

The point of ThisIsNotPorn is...well, there is no point. But it's fun. Each page is a puzzle. It contains clues to help you solve it. Solving the puzzle means finding out how to get to the next page. Sometimes this is done by clicking on a specific part of the screen, sometimes it's figuring out a username/password combination, and sometimes it's adding the right word to the URL on the address bar. Sometimes, there are several ways off a page and if you don't take them in the right order, you'll end up going in circles. It's fascinating.

To get started, click on the link above, then click on the oven door. For this game, it helps (but isn't necessary) if you have an online English-Dutch translator open in another window. It also helps to have a program that can translate ASCII text. To do this, just open Word Notepad, hold down the Alt key and type in one of the three-number codes using the number pad on the right side of the keyboard. Then let go of the Alt key, and magically, the letters appear!

For those spoiler whores among you, I managed to find a series of posts I made on Fametracker when we were talking about this game. These are the answers to several of the first puzzles. I'm going to put it in Spoiler Text for those who don't want to know the answers, so just drag your mouse and highlight the text to read it:

1. If you highlight the entire page, you'll find some weird code thing. I'm not sure what kind of code it is, but apparently it translates into something referring to the legend of Alexander the Great and the Gordian Knot (someone on Fametracker posted this answer, so I didn't have to figure it out for myself). Click on "Asia Awaits." You'll get a pop up that says "HeWhoRulesByTheSword" and asks you for a username/password combination. It's Alexander/Gordian. It'll take you to the next page.

2. The voice that reads off the NATO phonetic alphabet is creepy as hell, but not relevent to this particular puzzle. If you click the mouse on the picture of the truck, you'll get a pop up that says something that translates as "The Boy Will Die Alone." There is hidden ASCII text underneath the picture which you can see if you drag your mouse over it. There is also ASCII text on the title bar. When translated, it's a bunch of words in Dutch that refer to a place where a boy disappeared and the answer being the old name of that place. That's a reference to the old folk tale of Hans Brinker and the Zuiderzee river. The old name for the Zuiderzee is IJsselmeer. Since there is no pop up box, or link to click on, the only logical way to get out of there is to type in a new URL, which is what you have to do. Just type "IJsselmeer" into the URL after the "/see/" part to go to the next page.

3. If you move the mouse over the bottom right hand corner of the sign, a blank pop up appears. This is to cue you in to something hidden right there on the sign. It says "Edith Head." She was a famous Hollywood costume designer. If you click on the sign, you get a pop up that says "WhatALovelyDrapeTheyMake," which I think referrs to fabric, and the username/password combination is Edith/Head.

4. The next one is pretty easy. The letters at the bottom of the screen are a reverse-alphabet code that spell out "whereisthesheepman!" which is a reference to a book by Murakami. And HM's Hotel of the Aquatic Mammal refers to the Dolphin Hotel. I have no clue what that's supposed to mean, though, because I found the way out by clicking randomly on the picture. Click in the middle, near the light in the building.

5. The one with the three lights in the dark: If you click in one place, you get the "Curiosity Killed the Cat" prompt username/password is Kipper/May. It's another Murakami reference. Then in the other one you get a "Master/Betrayer" username/password prompt. It's Xerxes/Demaratus.

6. This one scares the bejesus out of me. It's just creepy. I can't make out what the people are yelling. Here's where the possibilities start splitting. I couldn't figure this one out, so I went back to the last picture by clicking the word "Are" at the bottom of the screen. I got taken back to the picture with the lights. Click on the second light from the left to get the "Dorothy" prompt. The username and password are Yuko/Gotanda. It'll take you to a picture of some windmills, which leads to a picture of a jail door, which leads to the windmills, which leads to the jail door, which leads to me going insane and turning off my computer. I haven't gotten past there yet. I was just too tired to sit and puzzle it out.

There are lots of solutions and shortcuts to this on The Cellar forums. Just do a search.

I Accidentally Killed The Crocodile With Electroshock Last Night:
For those of you who don't want to abuse your brains quite so bad, there's always The Stuffed Animal Psych Ward. The object of this game is to give therapy to crazy stuffed animals so they can go back out in the world and be lovable and cuddly again. This game is both cute and warped. I finally cured the crocodile this afternoon and it still makes me happy just thinking about it.

Enjoy!

Current Mood: Slightly anxious (damn planes...)
Current Music: "Nhee Tai Sieaw" by China Dolls