I've Been A Bad, Bad Girl

Yes, it has been many, many days since my last update. I'm sorry. I have no excuse, I'm just lazy.

Things are better here than they were during my last update. I happened to come home during one of my grandmother's really bad spells. When she has a bad time, everyone has a bad time. Especially my mom. But she's going through a good spell now, so it's much more calm here. I can shower every day now and I don't have to lock my door at night. It's sort of stressful in its own way, though. Even though I call this a good spell, it's still hard. Gram still does weird and/or gross things and we're always aware that the next bad spell could begin at any moment. We're always on the lookout for any sign that it's about to hit, so we can take some steps to try to soften the blow. It's stressful.

It's also stressful because we're moving. Again. Yes, folks, that's right. I will be moving three times this summer. Once to our new house here in Idaho, once down to Laramie to finish out the rest of the summer, and once again to Ohio for grad school. This will take my Official Life-Long Moving Total up to 23. Yes, by the end of the summer, I will have moved 23 times in 23 years. Please kill me.

But, thankfully, it's not all bad. Princess Rainbow Terrorist is absolutely precious, even though she bites and scratches a lot. I know she's just playing, but I still look like a cutter thanks to her. Only about a month and a half to go until she can be declawed! Thankfully, she's very good about leaving me alone while I sleep, considering she stays in my room at night. When the lights go out, she goes right to sleep, every time. And when she knows I'm asleep, she leaves me alone, even if she's zooming all over the rest of the room. Once I'm up, I'm fair game, though.

Here she is "helping" me check my e-mail:


checkemail
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.

Being an adorable pain in the ass is tiring work! For such a little kitty, she sure gets heavy after a while. (Note: Dude, I look like I have no hair in this pic. Don't worry, I didn't cut it, it's just pinned back and the angle is weird here.)


naptime
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.

Also, I've been on a bit of a nerdy shopping spree lately. I'll update later everything I've gotten so you can all tremble before my mighty nerd powers, but so far the only thing that has arrived in the mail is my Lenore Lunchbox of Dooom. I'm so excited about this, I sometimes make my lunch, pack it in my Lunchbox of Dooom and take it into the living room to eat. As I'm sure most of you know by now, I also have a new Lenore "Fishies go pook pook pook!" t-shirt. Schweeeet!


lenorebox
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.

Well, that's about all that is happening here. I still can't wait to get back to Laramie. I'm trying to move up the departure date here, but that's not looking like it will happen. But no matter what, I'll be back by August 2nd, at the latest!

She Has Her Own Reality Show. Seriously.

WhileOut
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.

These Bonds Are Shackle Free, Wrapped In Lust And Lunacy

Well, the most eventful part of my drive home has already been posted on Linus' blog, so I'll just say "Fuck Montana" and leave it at that.

Instead, I'm writing the mopey post I promised certain people. Okay, here it goes:

I should never have come back here. I should have just visited for a week or two, picked up my kitten, and then shacked up with one of you back in Laramie until it was time to go to OSU next fall. I know this makes me a bad daughter, but that's how I feel.

I've been back a little over 24 hours, and I'm already wallowing in abject misery. The cold and pink eye aside (by the way, Mary, if your doctor hasn't figured out that it is, in fact, pink eye, you need to find another doctor), my mother has started smoking inside again. She used to smoke outside, but not anymore. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke, and so I'm itchy, my eyes burn, my throat is closing up and I can barely breathe.

My grandmother has gotten worse. Worse than she was at Christmas, even. Let's suffice it to say that I had to wait 6 hours to take a shower this morning and we have to install a lock on the inside of my bedroom door. I know my mother needs help and needs some time away from this mad house, but that doesn't make dealing with Gram any easier. Especially when she thinks she's in a nursing home and gets really hostile because she hates nursing homes.

Then there's my mother. Don't get me wrong, I love her a lot and she's thrilled to have me home. But she's still a mother. I just don't have the patience for constant mothering anymore. I made the mistake of telling her that Liz and I think I am anemic. Ever since then, she's been harping on me about it. When I went to the doctor today to get some meds for the pink eye, she told me to ask him about it, get some blood taken, and get perscription strength iron stuff. When I didn't do that, she yelled at me and muttered to herself that she should have gone with me to talk to the doctor. Because at 23 freaking years old, I can't possible make these decisions for myself. And this is just the beginning. Expect more rants in the future, after the novelty of having me home wears off.


But mostly, I'm upset that I'm separated from my friends. This is going to sound super pathetic, but this is the first time in my life that I've had real friends that I can count on. I'm not good at making friends, and up until now the friends that I had were either more like acquaintances or were incredibly fucked up. My best friend since junior high, Tina, was one of the latter. As much as I loved her (and still do), she was downright abusive some of the time. She had a lot of personal problems that she took out on me. I was lonely, weak, and in some warped way, I guess I thought I was helping her by letting her get her anger out. She's a lot better now, but of course, I don't live near her anymore :(

My sister Brook is awesome and hilarious, but she's much more conservative than me, and there's a lot I can't tell her for the same reason I can't tell my parents. She won't understand and she'll freak out. It's hard to hide large parts of yourself from someone you're close to.

Monika...well, those of you who know the Monika story know what a fucking mess that was.

Corey's a nice person, but I couldn't count on him. His substance use and depression issues were always a bigger part of his life. Also, I think if we'd stayed together much longer, bedroom issues would have eventually arisen.

And those are the only people I have ever been really close to. Ever. You guys in Laramie are not only fairly well adjusted, but I feel like I can count on you if I need help. It's the first time I've ever felt like I was any sort of a priority for my friends. It just really hurts to have left that behind. That's why I cried so much the day I left (sorry about that, by the way).

I hate it here and I want to come home.

At Least It's Not Snowing Anymore....

I'm home in Idaho. More details when I regain consciousness.

Normally, I Don't Really Go In For Quizzes, But...

...Dudes. It's about comic books. Which gritty no nonsense comic book character am I?


You are John Constantine.
John has a strong knowledge of the occult and at
times he appears to wield strong magical powers
but he has also become known as something of a
con-man, more likely to talk himself out of
trouble than pull a rabbit out of a hat.


What Gritty No Nonsense Comic Book Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


I was hoping that if I got Spider Jerusalem, they'd throw in a pair of his glasses for free, but no such luck. We wants them, precious....


glasses
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.

Baby Pictures!

So my mom finally got her digital camera working, so here are some pictures of Princess Rainbow Terrorist and poor long suffering Angel!


Rainbow1
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.

Rainbow2
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.

Rainbow4
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.

Rainbow3
Originally uploaded by Raksha38.